So…there is this feeling you get when you go to church; you know? When you really listen not the one you go and start drifting off or day dreaming about some make-believe or crush or an embarrassing moment that you experienced?

I don’t get how this actually happens because you convince yourself that “today am really going to listen; I will pay attention to the Word of God, and a couple minutes later you drift off to some fantasy world!

Okay where was I?? Yes the feeling… like you have received acceptance and favor from God. It creates a certain kind of tranquility and calmness in your soul and you feel like you have never been more in touch

with your inner spirit before. It is as though you would – at that particular moment – do anything or become anybody; acquire the power of power itself … power to do anything..

Personally, I experience this feeling quite often especially when I feel like my relationship with God is actually significant.

Then comes the part where you get through the week or the month and you did unspeakable things. Well, we can’t call it sin really because you have judged yourself to the point you feel undeserving and unworthy of God’s forgiveness.
Now this is my part:

Judgment

You put yourself under severe judgment and you ask yourself questions like, “What’s the point of asking for forgiveness? At this point I should just keep going on with my transgressions,” you demean yourself and feel short of God’s glory. You look at yourself and think at some point God is going to start getting tired of me…because when I ask forgiveness I eventually go back to my old sinful ways.

Redemption

This stage is now where even when you have asked for forgiveness and gone for confessions…but somewhere deep down in you, you still feel you don’t deserve his love.

When you pray, you don’t have faith because you believe that he can hear you but he knows that you’ll keep sinning so he won’t answer your prayers…

I have been a victim of this a lot and sometimes you need to ask yourself, “Is the self pitying self loathing

really worth it??” You deserve to feel like a sinner yes!! But a sinner who acknowledges his wrongs and misguided ways and can still say yes! I make mistakes and yes I know that I am God’s child.. That will never change!!

No matter the intensity of your sin or the baggage you have placed upon yourself as a guilty conscious, God is always waiting for you to go back to him even in your sinful nature because he created you to learn, learn from your mistakes and try to make something better out of them, but you need to learn to forgive yourself before you ask for forgiveness.