In Chains

In the dark night, while my eyes lay wide open, tossing and turning, fighting with the sheets and pillows, thoughts upon thoughts, worries upon worries, reasonings upon reasonings.

In the dark streets where I walk in the corridors of dark alleys and back doors. Dressed to please you, yes you, who calls me beautiful but for a moment and despise me once you are done.

In the broken down house where no cars dare to pass by, a house infected by mildew and the smell of dead rats. Where I escape to hide from the world, to sniff just that one puff of heroine, smoke that one joint I almost got killed over while running from the dealer I stole from.

Underneath my blankets when I rest my head only for my mind to drift and form images of attractive women/men skimming my whole form… with self pleasures.

In the toilet and in secret crying for my husband, my child, my mother, my wife, my father, my grandmother, my grandfather, my best friend, my colleague, my uncle, my aunt, my mentor; dead or lost.

In the judges chambers where I set my judgement–”death with no parole” to incarcerate the defenseless man because he has no money to bribe his way out.

In the office desk where I ask for bribes, inflate numbers, stash a bit of coin in my purse, use my power for self gain and make others wait on me like a king or queen.

In the house where I beat my child, torture and starve her to death, insult her mother and threaten to set them on fire.

In the warehouses where I smuggle little children, drugs, guns and ammunition, women and men.

In the hospital where I pinch some morphine, fentanyl, tramadol to get that release, that high.

In that crack house, filled with cigarette smoke, needles, trashed contraception, red bulbs and flashing lights.

In that studio —on that canvas—on that paper—on those decks, where I create what is in my heart, where I share my passion, my pain, my hurt, my escape from the world.

In that hospital and home bed where I can no longer take the pain any more, where pain is all I feel, where my body is filled with wounds, bandages, all patched up. Where my head is shaved off and my legs fail me.

I see you, yes you.

In chains, in pain, hurting, worrying, angry, self loathing, self pitying, proud, ashamed, guilty, embarassed, anxious, broken, despised, despondent, hopeless, nervous, stressed, afraid, confused, on edge, unhappy, heartbroken, resentful, jealous, fatigued, exhausted.

Yes you,

Turn your head away from all these feelings, and fix your eyes on Me.

Jesus. The Name above all names

Bring your hurt
Bring your pain
Bring your broken-heart
Bring your worry

Bring it all

You are not meant to carry that load, can’t you see that it is too heavy?

Matthew 11:28-30 Come unto Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.

You are my child.

Yes, I see you, I see it all, I hear you cry, I hear your thoughts. Turn away from your sins, from the devil’s chains and fix your eyes on Me.

I got you.

#Luke5 Luke 5:31–32 Sinners


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