This has been my second year of active blogging and I have learnt so much about myself, my audience and most importantly about God’s grace.

I love how the Holy Spirit deals with the things in our lives that we struggle to overcome everyday, with gentleness, with patience and with love.

I had posted briefly about God dealing with some issues in my life around the period between the months of June to August. And well, I finally came to understand why I had been wrestling against God’s will.

There is an interesting law in the Old Testament about servants in the book of Deuteronomy. That if a master had a servant and the servant had served him for a period of six years, the master was bound under the law to release him on the seventh year.

However, there were those servants who loved being in service to their masters and desired to keep serving them forever. And if this was the case,

Deuteronomy 15

16 And if it happens that he says to you, ‘I will not go away from you,’ because he loves you and your house, since he prospers with you,
17 then you shall take an awl and thrust it through his ear to the door, and he shall be your servant forever. Also to your female servant you shall do likewise.
18 It shall not seem hard to you when you send him away free from you; for he has been worth a double hired servant in serving you six years. Then the Lord your God will bless you in all that you do.

Piercing of the ear demonstrated that the servant became a slave to his master until death.

Now, when I had come to the  end of my strength during this time of struggle, in God’s providence, I came across a sermon preached on this message. And just then, is when I truly understood why I had been wrestling against God’s will and not resting in Him.

Jesus said so gently to me, “Agnes, I am your Saviour but I am still not your Lord”

And He was right. He was absolutely right. I still had a list of dreams, goals, achievements, desires and things I needed to accomplish and I kept laying them down for Him one after another. In as much as,  yes, I loved that He had saved me, and called me to serve Him, I still had my own goals.

I was three quarter the way in for Jesus. At the end of each day, I could still add a thing or two onto my goal-board and speak to Him about what I desired to do, how I desired to do it, and when I needed to have them accomplished, and so on and so forth… Basically I was still seated at the driver’s wheel telling Him stories.

Yap That was me.

But, Jesus had been calling me to discipleship. All in. No halves. He was asking to pierce my ear.

Sacrifice and offering thou didst not desire; mine ears hast thou opened: burnt offering and sin offering hast thou not required. Psalms 40:6

Now, my personality loves to examine and figure things out. And in all my attempts to figure out what God desires out of my life, I have failed. I know He has placed this beautiful and wonderful calling in my heart.

Now, no longer my goals and ambitions. But His will. Trusting day by day, that He will take care of all my needs and all that will be necessary for this work according to His will. That I may accomplish the work He has sent me to do. I will not pretend to understand what it entails to let go and let God. But like any other journey, I trust He has my life in His hands.

Meditating about it now makes me realize that following Jesus Christ is the most fulfilling walk one could ever take in life. The most highest of callings to a girl who just wanted to have a heart of a child.

And mine ear hath He pierced.

What a loving Master to have, what a gracious Master to serve.

 

See you soon on the next post. God willing.

♣