Along this spiritual journey, I have noticed that it is possible to cool off loving Jesus. At some point you convince yourself that you look like a fool. “Who is that intense for somebody they have never seen?”
And if you convince yourself long enough, that fire is put out entirely and complacency settles in the spirit and becomes norm.
And this is me—guilty as charged.
I have had to struggle with complacency for some time now. And eventually it has led to the fear of looking like a fool for Jesus. “Who talks that much about anybody anyway these days?” asks the enemy of the cross whilst working in my flesh from within. (Well, aside from the craze of people talking about themselves constantly —self-obsession and self-absorption on steroids). But let’s not view that as something abnormal. Clearly.
Though with all honesty, I was once there too, and sometimes I find myself catching that wind in my sails of life. So, I’ll ease off my finger from that nerve for now. However I will still insist… It is a sin! Actually it is idolatry.
But that’s not why I am here. Complacency is why.
It would be a lie if I said I have no idea how I got here, slacking off in this fashion. It started with I am too tired today to I am just tired almost every other day.
Lord, Jesus I know you know me…and You have convicted me severally on this issue through the Holy Spirit. I am sorry. And I honestly do not know how to snap out if this self-induced whirlwind that has consumed my desire for You and the things of Your kingdom.
Again, I want to fall in love with You fervently, unashamedly, consumed-like…and to be in constantly in Your presence.
Keep my eyes from beholding the vanities of this world, and set my heart to be rooted in Your word and Your commands continuously. I not only want to have them hidden away in my heart, but to follow them obediently.
I want to experience Your love Jesus each day just as though I were a flower blooming everyday anticipating the kisses of a bee.
Everyday, every morning…. experiencing the kisses of mercy, grace and forgiveness.
Jesus has loved me with an eternal love…an agape love…an everlasting love. And it is foolish for me to be ashamed of that kind of love.
Lord, I miss us… I miss that fire to write everyday. I know that as Your children, sometimes we grow in faith and we think we have it all figured out…and if not all figured out then almost all figured out. But that’s a falsehood from the devil.
It is true when I examine my life…I have allowed myself to veer off from a fervent love. But you O Jesus, are the lover of my soul for all eternity, and I never want to be ashamed of this witness.
Restore unto me O Lord, a mind, a heart, and a meek spirit that is set on You. ~ Always