The last couple of months (beginning from July last year) have been extremely different for me; I cannot even begin to express in words. I know I have probably mentioned this in one of my previous posts.
I am currently serving God at a beautiful Christian ECD school and my whole service there has been filled with unexpected challenges and unexpected joys.
I love the challenge of working in a new environment, getting involved in new tasks, having diverse roles and meeting new people. This is mainly catalyzed by my difficulty of staying in one place for too long. The reason: more often than not, I end up feeling suffocated and possibly even despise the place all together— all truth no filter.
The transition was not as difficult as the fear of adjusting to the fact that God would be calling me to serve Him at a place where I would be stationed for a long, long, long time (Moses kind of long time)— again all truth no filter.
This terrifies me out of my wits because I love adventure.
I love experiencing new things, I enjoy seeing growth in my life, being in diverse environments, and when all is said and done — advancing to new challenges.
Now, my new role presented quite the challenge for me. I admit. At first, I believe, there is always that exuberant excitement that always comes with any new experience or thing. However, as time goes by, the new thing turns into the old stuff once more, and the old stuff becomes toxic and suffocating if not handled with wisdom and God’s leading.
Now, I dislike routine. Especially routine that is repetitive and monotonous. Doing the same things or dealing with the same issues over and over and over and over and over and over again — I just can’t handle it myself. Though, I know that there are some people who do enjoy such kinds of routines. And for such people, I say hats off because that is grace I need myself to be honest— but not asking for it just yet.
Anyway, in the course of my work or service (whichever one decides to call it— I prefer to use service because we are always serving others in one way or another in our places of work), I began losing my will to work, my why (that is, the main objective I decided to do what I am doing), my way and for Whom.
Those four: the will or desire to do what I was doing, the reason I was doing what I was doing in the first place, why I was doing what I was doing and Whom I was doing it for.
I was losing all perspective if I had not lost it all together. I was exhausted mentally, physically, and mostly spiritually. I was running on empty. Charles Swindoll’s in his book “Paul, A Man of Grit and Grace” puts it this way:
“When doing any type of service or ministry, we are always drawing from our own well saying, everything is fine…until the well runs dry. We continue to run on empty until our lives fracture deep within. At that point we begin to sputter, clog, and chunk and finally come to a complete stop. This is when the truth comes out: ministries fold, marriages crumble, children wander from the Lord unattended, and our character weakens to the point of blow out.”
I was at such a point— again— It hadn’t taken me long before getting back here once more (not even more than a year).
Now, I do not blame myself or think myself to be one of slow comprehension or anything like that. But one thing I say is, I would rather be honest with God than pretend to be doing what He has called me to do just to please men or appear to men that I am this cute obedient person.
I would rather struggle with obedience everyday while expressing to Him the struggle rather than pretend to be obeying yet inside/within, I am constantly gripping and complaining.
Anyhow! Here I was once again. I had gotten to my point of sputter, clogging, chunking… almost to a stop no sooner than I had just begun my new place of service.
I don’t know about any of you my readers, but if you do ever get to such points at your place of service, I would just like to let you know — it is absolutely normal and you should never feel ashamed to have weaknesses. Everybody does. Paul did too.
But granted, God graciously blessed me with an off for two months (since schools had closed for the holidays) to refresh, rethink, pray, and to rediscover my way, my why and for Whom. Subsequently, resuscitating my will once more.
One thing I note: at this vulnerable point I have stated above, I was susceptible to make a foolish judgement. Infact, I would have made an unwise move due to those circumstances. But God in His love, graciously came to my rescue just in time.
He refreshed me with a new perspective. He also allowed me the opportunity to travel to a different environment for those two months which was truly refreshing, reviving, restoring and revitalizing. Might I add, an environment that was just absolutely soothing and beautiful. I even got the opportunity to get baptized which was such a blessing and an amazing experience. All these events just came together so beautifully; ordained by God who in His foreknowledge knew that I would need to be refreshed at that specific time and in such a loving way.
Now, I am back to my place of service. I resumed this Tuesday. It has been an extremely busy week. I haven’t even gotten the opportunity to write anything down. Today, being Friday I can rest from the hassles of the week as the nation honors and bids farewell to a great man— former H.E. President Mwai Kibaki.
I hope you are strengthed too: daily, weekly, monthly, yearly, and in all ways throughout your life’s journey as God seeks to work out His amazing will and purpose for your life each day.
A final remark before I conclude, I read an amazing, amazing, amazing book during that off-time titled, On Being a Servant of God by Warren Wiersbe. And there was something so profound He said: “I never made a sacrifice,” said missionary David Livingstone. “We ought not to talk of ‘sacrifice’ when we remember the great sacrifice which He made who left His Father’s throne on high to give Himself for us.”
Jesus loves you that profoundly. Always remember that.
Okay… Let’s just be honest, whenever most people hear anything about religion, their first reaction and instinct is probably to cringe or brush off the whole matter entirely.
Why? Most likely because it is a subject that is associated with extreme cases of fanaticism, it brings about a lot of conflicts and controversies, and even offends easily.
Religion is famously known for: manipulation, stagnation, repression, ignorance, bigotry and is too often a threat to liberty. And rightly so. I do agree. With that said, I recommend you to read two of my posts as well as encourage you to do a personal, extensive, and honest research on your own regarding this matter. Why?
As intellectuals (critical thinkers), I believe we owe it to ourselves to interrogate, examine, and ask hard questions regarding matters touching on faith rather than choosing to ignore them or even worse— follow blind faith. Click here for the first post.
Who speaks the truth with regards to a genuine, sincere and true relationship with God? Is it Buddha? Mohammed? Jesus? Zoroaster? Confucius? Joseph Smith? Guru Nanak? Krishna? Among others? Find out on this second post:
My heart overflows with a goodly matter; I speak the things which I have made touching the king: My tongue is the pen of a ready writer. Psalms 45:1
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