I wanted to write something yesterday but I was on the move I barely got time to sit down and draft even a line but when I did, I was so drained that getting the words was a struggle. Knowing myself, as soon as I start writing, I open up like a river and words just start flowing.
I have had a lengthy discussion with my sister today generally about understanding God and it came to a point that we were raising our voices so that our opinions could be accepted as truth. But at the end of it all, I realized that we were both wrong.
We can’t understand God, He is the one who gives us understanding!
She had very strong views and I had my very strong views and writing this now makes me realize that there is no way to understand how He operates. So basically we spent a lot of time trying to do something impossible but also learnt from it and from one another.
Let me tell you guys something; this is in regards to yesterday’s post that I was not able to write. I am always in my head thinking about God. To be honest, I am really struggling with letting God, I know maybe most of you are like “but you are always telling us to have faith and leave it to God” yes I am, but I think the reason why I say that a lot is because most times I believe I am ministering to myself more than I am to you.
Have you ever heard somebody say, “say to yourself you are a winner until you believe it?” Now, this is me, always speaking faith to my heart when I feel fear.
Remember I once told you that I am not a fan of suspense and mystery especially when I really don’t know the ending? I read somewhere a question that made me laugh my lungs out because this was actually meant for me.
The truth is, I am afraid when I am not in charge of a situation or I do not have control over the events that unfold in my life or the lives of those that I love.
So I asked God yesterday, “You have allowed me to know you, to experience you, to have an encounter with Jesus, how can I make all those I love and who don’t have what I carry inside of me see what I have seen?”
By moving on with your life, going to learn and receive knowledge that you don’t have, by taking bold steps of faith. Do not be paralyzed in this moment because your miracle has not come to pass, do not worry about them, I will get to them.
Do not worry about their faults, their behavior, their actions, the way the treat you, receive you or even about their healing.
Focus on you, I will deal with them.
Trust in my timing, that is why I need you to start moving.
I was like! Hmmmm!
“This is too heavy a task and a lot for me! You know my heart! I am always trying to solve mysteries remember? To crack people’s mystery, to get down to the root cause of why situations are the way they are or why people behave the way they do. I mean God really?” (yes I do question God but I have great reverence for Him even when I do not get answers)
But God was saying,
I have given you a gift of examining and probing and seeking the truth but I need you to leave the mysteries to me.
You do good! and obey me!
So this is where I am.
Interesting relationship right? But it’s the most fulfilling and safe I have ever had. I’m not saying people are not safe, but God’s safety transcends time and space even when people change, times change and everything dies.